Gray's Academy

It is time for me to go home. Steve is in his final days with his wife, my sister Cathy and my niece, his daughter Stephanie, by his side. Stephanie, like me, is an RN. She helps mother’s give birth, then while it is unusual, but not unheard of, also cares for the newborns. She helps life enter this world and now she is there to comfort her Dad in death. Knowing Cathy and Stephanie are together, with Steve, is to witness what beautiful families look like.

Steve’s time on this earth is ending. For those who love him, whose live’s he has touched – it will be the beginning of a time when nothing is the same. Simple acts like eating, sleeping, checking the mail- you name it – it will be different going forward. It is most certainly different already.

Steve’s mom Jane is 93 years old. Her husband Lee, one of my absolute favorite human beings ever, died several years before Larry did. In addition to the people we share in love she and I also share the bond of widowhood. For any of you who have said goodbye to a life’s partner you know what it is like to be ‘in the club.’ Last week, this dear woman also had to say goodbye to her dog of 13 years. Sometimes life piles it on. Steve is also an only child. My heart aches for her in a different way. I too, have buried a child but it was nothing like what Jane is experiencing. For this, I can only imagine and the image seems unbearable.

My mom will celebrate her 90th birthday in a few weeks. We are planning a large and festive celebration with people coming in from all over the country. My mom is someone who is impossible to ‘not like.’ She will be 90 and there will be at least 100 people at her party. She is still friends with her best friend from kindergarten. My mom has more friends than anyone I know. Like I said, she is that kind of person. She is in ‘the club.’ My dad died at age 55 from cancer. My mom was a widow at 58, me at age 60. I was not there for my mom as I should have been. I didn’t get it. I do now. My mom has wanted to cancel her party – we all, Cathy first, said ‘No way, Mom!’ this party is happening.

I will be in Sicily for a few more days and it will be different. I have made new friends and moved out of my comfort zone, the zone that has become uncomfortably comfortable since Larry’s death. I won’t be ‘all here,’ but distracted.

It is especially poignant to know I will struggle to be fully present here in Sicily for a few more days when I am the one in class who jokes about being in the present moment. For those of us who are fascinated by all the ways human beings have found to communicate with one another you understand that you first learn the verbs in a foreign language you do so in the present tense and the infinitive. I call it the Zen of Italian – being in the Zen, or present moment is easier when the only way you can communicate is to do so with what you are feeling, doing, desiring in the very moment you speak. It is the past tense that is taught last – hmmmmm.

I wasn’t going to do my Italian homework. I was exhausted last night with rearranging my trip home but I am going to go write why I like the mountains more than the ocean, the winter more than summer. A chance to sit down and ask myself what makes me me.

Arrivederci!